


The Inquiry

by TheRedHeadedCaptain



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Porn with Feelings, Post-Episode: s07e25 Endgame (Star Trek: Voyager), Rough Sex, Starfleet, Surprises, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-17 19:40:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28730586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRedHeadedCaptain/pseuds/TheRedHeadedCaptain
Summary: Starfleet has questions now that the USS Voyager has returned to Earth.  Beyond the mission they have questions about the relationship between the ship's Captain and First Officer.   Did they ever cross the line of fraternization?  Will they now that they are back home?
Relationships: Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway
Comments: 72
Kudos: 130





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is it true that you were having an affair with your First Officer?

Captain Janeway responded to Admiral Nechayev’s question about yet another first contact situation in the Delta Quadrant. Her answer was confident and measured like all her answers to the panel of Starfleet Admirals sitting across from her. The Captain’s once again long auburn hair was twisted up into an elaborate bun like she had worn at the beginning of her journey. Her shoulders were squared, spine straight, exuding professionalism as she spoke about the danger and culture of the Hirogen.

She sat in the middle of a long curved table, flanked by her senior staff, Tuvok to her right and Chakotay to her left. B’Elanna and Tom next to Tuvok and The Doctor, Harry, and Seven on Chakotay’s side of the table. All faced towards the wall of Admiral’s peppering them with questions as part of the public inquiry into the Voyager mission.

This was the culmination of the Voyager crew reintegration into the Alpha Quadrant and Starfleet. They had been subjected to months of medical examinations, psychological counseling, onerous debriefings and a comprehensive review of Voyager’s extensive data collection, advanced technology, and numerous log files. The crew had already survived two weeks of similar classified questioning into their conduct. The hard part should have been past them. The public inquiry was meant to provide a measure of access and transparency to the Federation citizens, sanitized of the highly classified information such as the missions surrounding the Omega particle.

Captain Janeway had carried the burden of the Admiral’s questions, all her decisions being examined and reviewed by the highest ranking members of Starfleet. Despite some concerns with several of her choices, the Admirality seemed to be supportive of the difficult job she had done over the years.

Captain Janeway finished her response to a question about the Talaxian settlement where they had left Ambassador Neelix and took a sip of her ever present coffee mug. Her face remained calm and controlled despite hours of questioning. Behind her she could feel the eyes and holoimagers of the media that had gathered to observe the open hearings. Several dozen reporters had vied to get access to the limited seating in the Pike Memorial Auditorium to observe these historic events.

“Thank you for your remarks,” replied Admiral Nechayev. “That is the last of my questions and I will now turn it to Admiral Stryker for his allotted time.”

Admiral Stryker nodded to his colleague and leaned into the voice amplifier to begin. “Captain Janeway, I believe we are all in one voice to say that what your crew has accomplished is most extraordinary. Seven years with minimal casualties, amazing new technologies acquired, and scientific data that will keep our researchers occupied for many decades to come. However.” And he paused for effect. “I have deep concerns about your personal behavior over the course of this mission. Is it true that you were having an affair with your First Officer?”

The observation gallery was punctuated with shocked gasps, followed by a flurry of whispers. 

Captain Janeway’s face did not move in the slightest at this impetuous question.

“Sir, while I have great respect for and a strong friendship with Commander Chakotay, I have never had an inappropriate relationship with him or any other member of my crew.”

Admiral Stryker rubbed his jaw before proceeding. “And what of your weekly private dinners with Commander Chakotay?”

“As you know, a strong working relationship between command staff leads to a more efficient and functional vessel. We often discussed crew issues as well as built a personal trust through that time spent together.”

“So you are telling me you have never had a sexual relationship with Commander Chakotay?”

Captain Janeway remained unflappable, leaning forward slightly and replying in a measured tone. “As I have stated before, I have never fraternized with any of my subordinates on Voyager.”

“Might I remind you Captain, that you are under oath in these proceedings,” sternly barked Admiral Stryker. “In the debriefings, your crewmen repeatedly remarked that your command relationship was more than that of a normal First Officer and Captain. Do you attest that you only have a professional relationship with the man on your left?”

The Captain persisted stalwart as the rest of the senior staff began to shift uncomfortably in their chairs. Harry turned bright red with embarrassment and B’Elanna could not conceal the rage in her eyes. Tom Paris placed a hand on B’Elanna’s knee trying to cull her ire, terrified his Klingon wife would lash out at the Admiral. Chakotay was obviously trying to follow the Captain’s lead, but his mask was not as seamless as hers, a simmering anger hinted in his dark eyes.  
  


“You can ask me the same question over and over again Admiral Stryker and it will not change the answer. I have never had a sexual relationship with any of my subordinates. I knew that when I made the decision to destroy the Caretaker’s array that my mission was to get my crew home above else. I had to be the Captain at all times, I did not have the luxury to separate my personal and professional life, they were one in the same. I would absolutely not risk my personal feelings or needs getting in the way of the safety and success of Voyager.“

Admiral Stryker started to lose his cool when he realized he could not ruffle her resolute professionalism. He was about to snap out another question, when Admiral Paris interrupted.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, I believe we are running into our allotted time for the day. We will close questions for the time being and resume this inquiry tomorrow at 0800 hours. Dismissed.”

The Admirals and the Voyager staff rose from their respective tables and began to congregate out of the auditorium. Reporters shouted questions right and left trying to get the crews attention. The frenzied media pressed against the Starfleet security officers vying for access to Captain Janeway and her senior staff.

Kathryn stood and turned to Chakotay, she gave him a friendly smile and light pat on the shoulder. Then she quickly pivoted and walked with Tuvok to meet T’Pel, who had descended from the observation gallery to meet them. The trio proceeded to the exit ignoring the cries for her comment. Chakotay spoke briefly with B’Elanna and Tom before exiting on the opposite side of the hall. The media still wildly shouting the Starfleet officers.

* * *

Kathryn waved goodbye to Tuvok and T’Pel as she entered the Starfleet temporary quarters where she had been living since her return to Earth. The entrance had barely slid shut when she sensed another presence in the room. She scanned her surroundings and saw him sitting at her table eating Andorian noodle rolls and reading a PADD. He raised his head at the sound of her entrance.

“How did you beat me back here?” she laughed.

Chakotay dropped the PADD and rushed to meet Kathryn. He wrapped her up in his arms greeting her with a deep, sultry kiss. She pushed back against his lips, diving further into his mouth as she greedily pulled him into her embrace.

“Mmm, just what I needed,” she sighed.

“I don’t know how you put up with those questions from that asshole today,” he growled.

She stroked his cheek softly.

“Look this is part of the deal of being the Captain, I can take whatever Starfleet wants to ask me. I even prefer this line of questioning to having to explain my choices when pursuing Ransom…” her voice tapered off into a hollow sadness at the end, some of the wounds from their journey were still too painful to relive.

“Besides, the moment the Voyager crew was reassigned administratively to Starfleet Headquarters, I have been free from the ramifications of protocol and free from fraternization rules. Free to touch you. Free to kiss you. Free to claim you as my lover. “

To emphasize her point, Kathryn slid her right hand down between Chakotay’s legs, pressing against his growing erection.

“And I for one was impressed with your restraint. I can’t believe it took a full hour from the time your were no longer my commanding officer to the time you were naked in my bed,“ he teased, as he slid his hand down to her ass pulling her forcefully against the expanding bulge in his pants.

“We waited seven years, I wasn’t waiting any longer.” She responded to his advances, increasing the friction between her pelvis and his strained arousal.

“And I don’t want to wait any longer now.” She whispered into his ear. “I need you inside of me Chakotay.”

He catapulted into action, ripping the zipper down her jacket and vigorously attacking her neck with his hungry mouth. His hands slipped down to her trousers, fumbling quickly with the release.

“How do you do it? How do you stay so calm?” he asked between short kisses to her lips and neck. Her hands pushed his uniform jacket over his shoulders and pulled the grey turtleneck over his head.

“I just stay focused on the glorious man I have waiting for me each night. A man who I will spend the rest of my life with once these hearings are finally finished.” She delved back inside his mouth, her tongue exploring his rich, earthy taste, her entire body throbbed with her desire. Their hands kneaded and massaged every inch of skin, trembling with their growing need.

“Bedroom?” he huffed into her ear.

“Too far,” she replied pulling him down to the ground, his large body carefully descending over her smaller form. With the last vestiges of their clothing dispelled he propped himself up between her legs, running a gentle hand through her hair. His brown eyes skimmed over her body until they connected with her own, their intense passion ready to ignite like a supernova.

“I love you Kathryn.”

“And I love you Chakotay.”

Writhing against her, searching for more, he reached a hand towards her warm center while the other firmly caressed her breast. She gasped at the first contact with her labia. He swirled his fingers around her growing wetness before pushing two of them inside. She cried out from this much desired intrusion. His thumb rubbed firm circles on her clit while his fingers worked up a rhythm moving in and out of her sensitive flesh.

He kissed her on her stomach and slowly guided his tongue up to the valley in her chest. His wet mouth proceeding to circle and tease her nipples in turn. She ran her hand through his hair, trying to convey her approval for all his enticing touches. Small moans of pleasure escaped her lips as his hand continued to stimulate her sex.

“Please,” she begged. 

That’s all it took for Chakotay to pull his hand from her. He stroked his cock with her generous fluids and aligned himself at her hot, pulsing entrance. With one long stroke he entered her fully and they impacted in a blazing collision. Both of them froze at this jolt of ecstasy, clasping each other tightly as the sudden rush of sensation washed through their bodies. Too much and still not enough.

As the initial rush subsided he began to move. Slow, but firm thrusts in and out of his Kathryn. She arched her hips up to meet each entry, forcing their bodies together, trying to meld their flesh into one. Their mouths united once more, panting sweet sighs of delight.

The need became more urgent. He picked up his pace, engaging his hips to press solidly against her pubic bone, providing a rub to her clit with each stroke. Faster and harder it built. He could tell she was getting close, as she could no longer match his drives, her movements becoming more erratic and out of control.

Chakotay gripped her shoulders tightly plunging in and out of her at a desperate pace. Each impact of their bodies sent radiant waves through his lover below. Finally she reached her peak and cried out, nails digging into his back, thighs encasing him in a vice like grip. Her inner muscles rippled and clenched over his cock, sending him into his own release. The cries were now coming from his own mouth as he emptied himself inside her.

With his last vestige of strength he rolled them over, never breaking contact. Kathryn laid straddling him, head resting on his chest. She lazily caressed his bronze muscles, a sigh of happiness coming from her mouth. He stroked her back, relishing in this moment of pure satisfaction. Here he was content. Here there were no worries. Here he was home.

A comm chimed and broke their post coital bliss.

“Shit, that’s probably my mother.”

She pushed up off his chest and ran to the bedroom in a mad scramble for clothes. Chakotay laughed so hard at her frantic dash that his whole body shook. She emerged shrugging into her soft pink robe. She shot a death glare at Chakotay, tossing a blanket to cover his naked, quaking body.

Sliding into her desk chair she answered the still alerting comm signal and Gretchen Janeway’s face appeared on the screen. “Hello Mom.” Kathryn Janeway’s whole face lit up at the sight of her mother.

“Hello dear. It’s good to see you smiling, I was worried after today you might not be in such a good mood.”

“What do you mean after today? I told you not to watch the holovids. There was a reason I wanted you to go back to Indiana during the public inquiry. Please tell me the reporters aren’t flooding your yard again.”

Gretchen sighed. “Katie dear, I’m fine. It’s you I’m worried about. You may be able to fool all of Starfleet with your stone-cold Captain persona, but I know you. I know you are taking a beating right now.”

“It’s okay Mom. Sure there are moments that sting, still I know it’s a temporary pain. This will be over soon and we’ll get to spend some time together on the farm.” She grinned ear to ear at the thought. “Everything is going to be wonderful Mom.”

“Alright I’ll have your room ready. Love you dear.” She paused.

“And tell Chakotay I say hello.” She winked at her daughter before ending the comm link.

Kathryn looked over her shoulder to see a topless Chakotay wearing nothing but a Starfleet grey blanket slung low on his hips.

“You’re lucky you didn’t give my mother a heart attack looking like that.”

He gave a blushing smile, those dimples causing her to melt. “What can I say, all the Janeway women love me.”

Kathryn rolled her eyes. “Grab the food and let’s finish this in bed.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice.”

They snuggled deeply in her bed laughing and feeding each other, offering teasing caresses and playful nips. Their lighthearted moments washed away the harshness of the day, and many of the long days that had preceded this one. Eventually they fell asleep, bodies entwined, minds at peace.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The questions continue and Kathryn's private life is exposed.

Admiral Paris reconvened the board of inquiry the next day. Captain Janeway sat stoic, armed with coffee and prepared for another very public flaying of her character. Across from her Admiral Stryker looked practically gleeful. She knew this was going to be a rough day. Once again flanked by Tuvok, Commander Chakotay, and her senior staff, she mentally prepared herself for the upcoming assault.

Admiral Stryker cleared his throat and began. “I would like to introduce into record the personal logs of Captain Janeway during her time as Captain of the USS Voyager.”

Chakotay’s eyes widened momentarily before he was able to reset his face to a neutral demeanor. Even Tuvok raised an eyebrow at the statement. Captain Janeway remained indifferent and slowly sipped from her coffee.

“Her personal records?” asked Admiral Paris. “That seems beyond the scope of this inquiry.”

“In most cases you would be correct. However, yesterday Captain Janeway testified that she and I quote, did not have the luxury to separate her personal and professional life, they were one in the same. This puts her personal logs as relevant to her actions and decisions as Captain. I would like to play for the board only the log entries specific to the topic of fraternization and her relationship with Commander Chakotay.”

Admiral Paris considered this argument briefly. “Proceed, but keep the entries relevant to this line of inquiry.”

Chakotay could feel the panic rising in his throat. He had no idea what was in those logs. He wasn’t sure he could sit straight-faced listening to the thoughts she had kept from him all those years. He felt guilty that he wanted to know what she had said about him. He just didn’t want everyone to know those things. How could they possibly unleash something so private in this open forum? He said a silent prayer to the spirits that she could endure this trial.

“Well Admiral Stryker?” she asked. “Where would you like to begin?” Her tone rang defiant, almost daring him to test her resolve.

Suddenly a recorded version of her voice sounded loudly through the hall.

_Personal Log Stardate 48320. Sleep alludes me as I can’t forget the frightened faces of my crew. I’m trying to come to terms with my decision that left us stranded in the Delta Quadrant. I must not fall into self pity. I need to steel myself to the duty at hand. My first priority is to repair the ship and integrate the Maquis and Starfleet into one seamless crew. Appointing Commander Chakotay as my first officer was a necessity to ensure this union is a success. His selflessness actions, destroying his own ship to save Voyager made me feel comfortable appointing the man I was sent to capture to help me lead this ship. His intelligence files do not do him justice. His past actions in the Maquis, while illegal, were at least guided by his strong sense of moral obligation. I believe him when he tells me I have his full commitment and support to create a unified Starfleet crew. Though we are still working out the trust and balance as a command team, I already feel a sense of ease in our working relationship. I know that while I alone share the weight of my decisions, he will be there to support me through those choices._

The Admiral did not follow the recording with a question and immediately launched into further playbacks. This time her voice came out in sobs and it was obvious she was crying.

_Personal Log Stardate 49730.2. The door barely shut on my quarters before the dam burst inside me. Two years in the Delta Quadrant without a single tear, every hardship, every attack, every death I could endure until now. And now I’m crying over a man and a life I cannot have._

Her sadness ripped at Chakotay’s soul. He longed to reach out and hold her in his arms, protect her from this horrific pain. Having to relive her weakest private moments was hard enough without having them dissected in public. The cracks in her armor she had fought so hard to hide were profanely exposed for all to see.

_On duty I was stern. I was aloof. I was everything I had to be. I hate myself for it. I hate the Captain right now. I want to be Kathryn again. He let me…_ the recording paused for a moment before continuing… _No, he made me be Kathryn. Six weeks we were stranded on that planet. Six weeks of walks and dinners, flirtations and meaningful glances. Of bathtubs and sand paintings. No red alerts and no command. My whole exterior was stripped from me when Voyager left and only my inner self remained. If Tuvok had not returned how long would it have been before I had given my whole self to him? A week? A day? An hour? How much longer before I gave up on my duties to Starfleet? Before I gave up on my commitment to Mark? Why do I feel more guilty for never having crossed the line than if we had? He has been my best friend, my support, my right hand throughout everything and now I must block even those aspects. He can only be my First Officer. We can’t even have what we had before. It’s too dangerous. If my hand stays on his shoulder now I might try to pull him into a sweet embrace. If he winks at me I will become lost in his dark brown eyes. If he smiles brightly, his boyish dimples shining through, I will be too tempted to bring my lips to his. I must rid my mind of these inappropriate fantasies. I must squash these feelings down and focus on the real matters. We are still amidst the dangers of Vidiian space, my focus must be on my crew and the safety of Voyager. I will be the Captain for as long as I need to be. I only hope Kathryn will survive somewhere inside._

This observation gallery was awash with gasps and chatter. The entire panel of Voyager staff looked fraught, even Tuvok appeared incredulous that the Admirality had allowed his friend’s most private thoughts to be laid bare to the entire Alpha Quadrant.

Chakotay struggled to regain his composure after what felt like a deep punch to his gut. Reliving the joy and pain of their time on New Earth in his mind. He wondered how many nights they spent separated by only a bulkhead, dreaming of the other, hearts yearning to be one.

He was desperate to embrace her or at least slip a hand of comfort to her knee. There was no way he could offer her his touch without hundreds of rapt eyes noticing. He settled for slowly moving his right foot to gently touch her left boot. The tiniest of pressure to let her know he was here. The table they sat at had a front panel blocking the view from the Admirals and he was certain his subtle motion was obscured from the observers in the rows behind them. He felt her return a small amount of pressure and it sent a pulse of warmth spreading throughout his entire body.

The next log entry started playing, this time her voice was circumspect and ponderous.

_Personal Log Stardate 50028.1. I died in his arms tonight. Not just a figure of speech, I actually died and watched as he screamed my name in anguish. To die and return is no easy thing. Months of our carefully rebuilt working camaraderie came crashing down the moment he brought me that rose. He smiled and my heart leapt with joy. I threw caution to the wind and we took a holodeck sail around Lake George. We sipped champagne while sharing old stories from the lifetime before this one. The sailing led to swimming. We splashed and laughed around the lake, so happy to enjoy our friendship again. I knew he wanted more. He patiently waited to see if I was ready to offer him more. If we had been on Earth, at the real Lake George, I would have given him everything. But we are still far from home and I kept my personal desires in check…. Is it getting harder or easier to let the necessity of command overrule all other aspects of my personality? I can’t tell anymore and I don’t know if I want the answer to that question._

The logs kept coming, digging deeper and deeper into the depths of Kathryn’s psyche.

_As much as I loathed Q’s inappropriate proposal, I loathed more the long dormant dreams it awoke inside me. I couldn’t get the idea of someday having my own child out of my mind. Whenever I fantasize about a potential child in my future, I now picture that child with dark hair and sweet dimples. Would we get home in time for this dream to become a reality? Or more likely I will grow old masking my feelings from the man I love, watching in painful silence as he starts a family with another._

_We danced on the holodeck at the beach party along with the rest of the crew. We laughed and drank tiki drinks until he walked me back to my quarters. The ever perfect gentleman he bid me goodnight with nothing more than a kind smile. And I was okay for once, okay that we couldn’t have anything more because at least I have him as my best friend again._

_I spit fire at him for disobeying my orders and breaking our deal with the Borg. I don’t know why I was so mad. Everything worked out in the end and our tiny ship survived the immense war between Species 8472 and the Borg. So why was I so angry? Was it for disobeying me on this order or was it for acquiescing to me on the one order I most want him to break?_

_We made contact with Starfleet today. Communication with the Alpha Quadrant! An amazing milestone after nearly four years on our own! My Dear John letter came from Mark, I knew the truth in it before I even read the words. Instead of freeing me to act, it paralyzed me further, one less excuse to hide behind. And more than the fear was the shame. Chakotay was there for me over an old flame and I couldn’t let myself be there for him as his entire world came crashing down. His friends and family, all of the Maquis gone forever. I should have been the one to support and comfort him, still I couldn’t. I knew that if I offered him my strength in his time of need, if I let him bare his pain, then I would bare mine, and we would collapse across the bounds of what could never be. So I let him work through his grief alone. I let him support our mourning crew all by himself while I hid behind the distance of command. Not my proudest moment as either a woman or a Captain._

_Tonight I made him face his worst fears in order to save the ship. I forced him repeatedly into mental torture so he could free Voyager from the confines of chaotic space. His entire sense of self ripped apart and all I could give him was two days off and extra holodeck time. A pathetic offering compared to what I know he needs, what we both need. I should have been there for him, helping him build back the walls of his mind that I had ordered him to tear down. I know now I would have sent him to his death if it meant saving the ship. But if he dies will I still be able to live?_

The logs just kept coming. All of her emotions, all of her feelings about Chakotay entered into the public record. Her private wants and needs now a matter of Starfleet review. Chakotay pressed harder against her foot, wishing he could take all of the old pain away. To let her know that this was all a thing of the past.

_He kept reminding me about the temporal prime directive between sips of Antarian Cider. It was the loveliest evening we had in years. For hours upon end we delighted in dinner, drink, and the flirty banter that had been missing for so long. Two bottles of cider later and I knew the moment had come. We would either cross over the edge of friendship or I would erect the border permanently. And in those final moments before he left my quarters I did not know which way my decision would fall. I looked up into his eyes and he looked down into mine, unsure or where to go from here. And just when I thought I might free myself to explore our never spoken desires, he turned away. Years of indifference and mixed signals must have finally extinguished all of his final hopes. It chilled my heart to see that last ember die in his body. And I must let my own fire die along with his. I need to set him free to live his life, while I am still not free to live mine. Today might be the day that the Captain kills Kathryn for good._

Captain Janeway remained unmoved, her stoic visage of command revealing nothing. It was as if the entire log was about someone else, and in a way it was. The whole room was silent, unsure of how the tension would break. Finally Admiral Stryker spoke.

“Well Captain Janeway, how can anyone listen to those logs and think your relationship with your First Officer is in line with Starfleet expectations of proper command dynamics?”

“Sir, those logs were entirely of my feelings, not my actions. And last time I checked a Captain isn't evaluated on her feelings. My actions were always professional. My decisions as Captain were far from perfect. I struggled with many of my choices, yet once that decision was made my execution was with vigorous conviction. I made the decision to never fraternize with my First Officer and as stated repeatedly in my personal logs, I never once crossed that boundary.”

How she kept her voice calm was beyond Chakotay’s comprehension. He was ready to tear this Admiral limb from limb. If he was asked a question, he knew he would explode on the spot.

Admiral Stryker pursed his mouth and appeared to ponder how to proceed. “I ask you for the official record, have you ever had intimate relations with Commander Chakotay?”

“As I have answered time and time again. I have never had a sexual relationship with my First Officer or any of my subordinates.” Her eyes locked with the Admiral’s, refusing to back down.

“That is not the question I asked, I asked if you ever had an intimate relationship with Commander Chakotay?”

Chakotay had never wanted to punch a man so much in his life.

“This board of inquiry is to review the operations and conduct of the seven year Voyager mission. I take accountability for any of my actions or the actions of the Voyager crew during that time. I will truthfully answer all questions within that scope. My personal business since our return to Earth is not a matter for discussion in this forum.”

Admiral Stryker twisted himself up with indignation. Before he could speak Admiral Paris intervened. “As the Captain pointed out, this area of questioning is not within the extent of this panel.” And with that Admiral Paris quickly convened the board for the day and dismissed the crew.

Chakotay turned to look at her, but she was already up and heading to the door without a second glance in his direction. Again Starfleet security held back the deluge of reporters as they erupted with questions for the crew. Chakotay heard his name called out repeatedly for comment, shouts from the media echoing throughout the Pike Auditorium.

Tom came up to talk to him as he continued to stare at Kathryn’s retreating form. The blonde helmsman shook his head, trying to screw up the nerve to look Chakotay in the eye. “I guess we always knew there was something between you and the Captain. Only we had no idea how much the both of you were hurting. I wish…” his words trailed off.

“I know Tom, I wish it could have been different too.”

B’Elanna came up and wrapped an arm around each of them. “Stryker is a real PetaQ.”

“Thanks B’Elanna.”

B’Elanna looked at Chakotay trying to figure out what else she could do. One night several months ago, she had seen the sparks between her commanding officers and thought they had finally come together as a couple. Then she had never seen them together outside of official duty since that night. The truth of their relationship was as a much a mystery to the crew as it was to everyone else.

“Can we walk you back to your quarters? We adjourned early and Tom’s Mom won’t be bringing Miral back for a few more hours. I don’t want you to be alone right now.”

He reached up to squeeze B’Elanna’s hand. “Thanks B'E. Contrary to today’s public lashing, you both know I was far from alone out there.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Captain has always been her own harshest critic. How will she and Chakotay deal with the aftermath of her emotional insecurities being put on public display?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter contains graphic descriptions of rough and aggressive sex. Everything is completely consensual, still I thought I would add the warning in case this is not something you enjoy reading.

He materialized in her quarters a few hours later, activating the site-to-site transporter he had set up between their rooms. He would always transmit his pattern in unison with the torrent of sanctioned traffic to mask his signature. He saw her slumped in front of the couch, down to her tank top and trousers, nursing a glass of whiskey in her hand. A half empty bottle of 25 year-old Macallan on the table. 

He settled himself beside her, finally able to wrap her up in his arms. “Kathryn, I’m so sorry they put you through this.” She was stiff. For the first time since they had come together, she failed to melt into his embrace.

“Tell me what you need, tell me what I can do?” he whispered as he stroked her face. 

She turned her head to look at him. “I… I’m not sure…” she barely managed through her clenched jaw. Then the comm chimed. 

“Oh God, I can’t face my family right now. Can you just take care of it?”

He hugged her close with one soft kiss on the top of her head. Grateful for a tangible way to help, he stood and moved quickly to the comm terminal. He answered the call to see a clearly distressed Gretchen Janeway.

“Oh, hello Chakotay." She was obviously disappointed her daughter hadn't answered. "I take it she’s not up to talking right now. Tell me, how is she doing?

He sighed, tugging his ear. Trying to find the right level of truthfulness to provide her mother. “She’s been better.”

“I gave my husband and my daughter to Starfleet time and time again. And now I want my daughter back. You'll help her through this won't you?”

He looked at her in earnest. “Mrs. Janeway I promise that I will take care of your daughter until my dying breath.”

“Thank you Chakotay. I feel better knowing that she has you. Tell her I love her and have her call me when she is ready. Goodnight”

“Will do. Have a goodnight.” 

He terminated the comm link and turned to see Kathryn was pouring another drink. He moved to be with her, only this time settling behind her on the couch. He began to rub her shoulders, trying to remove her tension with a deep massage.

She moaned in appreciation bringing a hand up over his. “That feels nice.”

For the first time in years he was at a loss of what he could do to ease her burden. 

“What do you need? What can I do to help? Do you want dinner? Or to keep drinking?”

“No." She seemed to be weighing his questions in her mind. Deciding what she truly wanted in this moment.

Then she crudely mouthed, “I want to fuck.” 

He reached down and pulled her into his lap, wrapping his arms around to massage her breasts. He released one hand to lightly trace his fingers around the waistband of her uniform slacks. She tilted her head to face his, the whiskey strong on her breath.

“No Chakotay, I don’t want to make love tonight. I want you to fuck me.” A violent malevolence pervaded her words.

The straining pressure coming from inside his paints would seem to imply his interest. Only he knew he was treading on dangerous ground. They had been passionate and forceful in their lovemaking, still they had never crossed into the level of roughness her voice now demanded. He worried she was not in the right state of mind for this and it would make her even more upset afterwards. Or worse, that she wanted him to punish her for all of her self imagined failings. 

He knew she had heard something very different in those logs than he did. Tears and sadness is what he expected to find when he came to her, instead there was only a quiet rage. A deep simmering anger boiled beneath her skin. 

He let out a long breath as he weighed his options. “Kathryn, is this _really_ what you want?”

“What I want? What I want?” her voice started to crack. “What I want is to believe this blatantly crafted spin job. Haven’t you seen the news? The Romeo and Juliet of the Delta Quadrant, star crossed lovers who could never be together!” 

She stood from his lap and walked away from him. 

Chakotay was shocked. “What are you talking about? I thought we were… well I thought we were a little bit like star crossed lovers.” He offered up a weak grin she did not see. 

She turned to face him. “Don’t you think it’s curious that only my logs pining for you were aired? You and I both know it was messier and more complicated than just problems with the chain of command. What about the times when I turned away from you or when you turned away from me?” 

She spat out her words, rising in volume, she was close to shouting. 

“What about Seska, Riley Frasier, and Kellen? What about Kashyk, Jaffen, and the stupid fucking bartender in Fairhaven? It was a bullshit romance story crafted to placate the media circus.”

Her words stung like the discharge from a phaser. 

She picked up the pace when he didn’t respond. 

“They aren’t going after me, they are creating a fairy tale. My personal logs are chalk full of confessions that could eviscerate my Captaincy. They didn’t play those entries.”

Chakotay rose to face her. 

“I still don’t know what you are talking about? You never did anything unbecoming a Captain.”

“Oh didn’t I? What about putting my holodeck boyfriend’s life ahead of my flesh and blood crew?”

The memory hit him like a slap across the face. He still hated that stupid hologram. She was getting louder and angrier now, the blush of alcohol tingeing her red cheeks.

“What about reprimanding Harry for a liaison with an alien while I looked the other way at all your dalliances?” 

Chakotay hung his head, not sure if he was more pissed at himself or her right now, anger rising at the unfairness of her words. 

“What would have been worse, you asking for your Captain’s permission or me reprimanding you for taking another woman?!?!” 

She was frantically screaming now. He knew she was trying to coax him into giving her what she wanted and he also knew it was starting to work.

“And the height of my failures was abandoning my post. Curling into a little ball of depression and expecting you to mind the ship. Do you ever wonder why I could give up the ship for my own feelings, but never put the ship aside for yours?”

That punch landed right where she intended. She squared up and seeing his mood darkening she went in for the kill. 

“I was the bitch that chose any excuse just to keep from fucking you!”

He snapped. He rushed forward slamming her against the wall, pinning her arms to her sides, invading her mouth with the fierce force of his own. He knew she had won. She always won. Manipulating him into a place where he didn’t want to be. Fine. If she wanted it this way he would give it to her. When had he ever been able to deny her anything?

He released her arms only to tear at the collar of her tank top, ripping it from top to bottom in a single crazed motion. He stared at her exposed black lace bra and yanked it below her breasts. He assaulted her nipples with his mouth, gnashing at her sensitive, pink flesh. Her body vibrated in appreciation of his rough efforts.

His hands jerked her pants down to her knees then he brusquely turned her to face away from him. He surged his entire weight into her, trapping her against the cold, grey wall. 

He whispered coarsely in her ear, “That was then and this is now. Now you are _mine_ and I fuck you whenever I want.” Kathryn whimpered gratefully in anticipation. 

He thrust his hand between her legs, a fragrant wet pool already soaking through her panties. He grabbed the fabric tightly and ripped the lacy scrap from her body. He used the pressure from his chest to keep her subjugated while his hands made quick work of his own zipper, dropping his pants and boxers to his ankles. He used his knee to splay her legs further apart.

He suddenly forced his cock into her body with an unceremonious push. She let out a cry despite his erratic thrust having failed to penetrate more than the first few inches of her tight opening. 

He flinched. His whole body started to release at the thought of hurting her. 

“No. Don’t you dare stop,” she commanded. “I. Want. This.” 

Chakotay was overcome by the inner struggle between his better judgment and the burning need for her body. His animalistic urges prevailed and he shoved his rock hard erection in to the hilt. Their physical union met with grunts from them both. 

“Is that all you’ve got?” she provoked. “I don’t know if you can give me what I want.”

In response he pulled out and slammed back into her with his full strength. Her body smacked into the wall once more. 

“I almost felt that,” she groaned.

He placed both hands on her hips and wrenched into her again. He fell into a brutal rhythm, forcing their bodies together with every ounce of his strength. Repeatedly assaulting her hot, dripping core.

He grabbed the tangled remains of her bun and twisted her head back until he could see her face. 

“Is this what you want? Is this what you need?”

“More. I need something more,” she begged. 

Chakotay rubbed his hand between her legs, coating his fingers in her dripping fluids. Once satisfied they were sufficiently lubricated, he placed his hand in the cleft between her bouncing cheeks. He wasn't entirely sure if this was what she was asking of him, but shoved his index finger into her taut rosebud anyway. 

“Ugh, yes,” she gasped.

Emboldened by her response he worked his finger in time with his pounding cock, stretching and invading both her holes. He wrapped his free arm around her waist to keep her compressed against his body. 

“More, Chakotay, more,” she panted. “It’s not enough. I need you to make it harder.”

He withdrew from her completely and aligned his throbbing head against the entrance to her ass. Pressing his intentions against her spongy flesh, he hesitated for a moment, convinced this rough sex thing had gone to far. 

Then she hissed, “What are you waiting for?”

He plunged into her certain that this had to be too much. The tightness of her orifice was too overwhelming and he cried out. Or had that sound come from her? He didn’t know. He should stop. Even if this was what she wanted, this couldn’t possibly be what she _needed_ right now.

Then she pushed back against his pelvis sliding him further inside. Her encouragement was all it took for him to continue his invasion as he became lost in his own carnal needs. He built back up to a punishing pace, swiftly sliding in and out of her, a sharp slap sounded with each meeting. 

He found her clit and began rubbing furiously. A shriek of satisfaction came in reply to his touch. Faster and faster he moved, his own crescendo building. He moved his hand from her clit and roughly entered her vagina with three fingers, the intrusion sending her over the edge. Her body rocked and spasmed, her insides fluttered tightly, clenching his fingers into a primal hold. The sensation triggered his own release as he came, spurting deep inside her.

Spent and breathing hard, he slipped from her body. He carefully turned her towards him wrapping her tenderly into his arms, before collapsing them both to the floor in exhaustion. She lay puffing, gasping for air on his still clothed chest. He squeezed her lovingly, murmuring his adoration and commitment to her, offering only sweetness after their aggressive coupling. Her breathing started to return to normal and a small “thank you” slipped from her lips. Chakotay kissed her temple and his hands made lazy, comforting circles on her back, hoping that she was okay. 

“Kathryn,” he cautiously ventured, unsure of how to broach the subject he knew they needed to discuss. 

“You know I will touch you however you want to be touched. Any fantasy you have, I’m more than happy to fulfill.” 

He took a deep breath. 

“I just want to make sure what happens between us comes from a place of sexual desire and not from a need to punish yourself.”

Her blues eyes flashed widely, this man knew her too well. She raised herself to look at him, trying to find a way to apologize for once more misusing his feelings to ease her own suffering. Unruly locks of messy auburn hair cascaded to frame her face as she struggled to find her moment of contrition. Before she was able to find the right words, she felt a strange sensation on her lower lip, and his eyes became wracked with guilt as he saw her face. 

“Oh God, I hurt you.” 

He pushed them both to sitting, running his thumb over her bruised and bleeding mouth. His body trembled in disgrace.

“I’m so sorry Kathryn, oh Spirits I knew I went too far.”

She took his hand and gently kissed his palm. 

“No. You absolutely didn’t do this,” she protested as she traced her hand lightly over his tattoo. “This was my own doing. I was biting my lip so hard I must have cut through the skin. I didn’t even notice until now.”

Her words did nothing to alleviate his shame. 

“I’m the one who needs to apologize. I hit you with every terrible insult just so you would give in to my demands. I tormented you relentlessly to make this happen. I’m so very sorry. I swear I’ll never do this to you again.”

Doubt clouded his conscience, as he feebly tried to accept her apology.

“Come on. Let’s get cleaned up and I’ll make us some dinner,” he offered trying to coax them back to a better place.

A hot shower helped to rinse away the vitriol of what had come earlier. Soon they found themselves sitting in robes at her table. Chakotay had replicated buttery pasta and a simple salad for them to eat. Her mood was much improved as she snuck bites from his plate and showered him with gentle affections. 

“Why don’t we run away tonight? Forget about this whole Starfleet thing forever.” she joked. 

“Then I would have succeeded in turning you into an outlaw, instead of you making me a respectable officer once more.”

He leaned across the table to place a soft kiss on her bruised lip. It stung a little, still she made sure not to flinch. She didn’t want to place any more of her self-inflicted pain on his shoulders.

He held her chin gently and examined her swelling lip. It was settling into an ugly shade of purple. “You don’t happen to have a dermal regenerator lying around?” he asked hopefully.

She shook her head. “I suppose I should call the Doctor so he can patch me up in the morning. I can’t exactly show up to the panel looking like this.”

After a brief comm to the overly concerned Doctor, they recycled their plates and crawled into her bed. The pain of the day had not fully abated, but they found solace in each other’s arms, secure in the knowledge that whatever came next, they would face it together.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things appear to be looking up for the Voyager staff and their Captain....

She settled into her center spot at the table clutching her faithful silver coffee mug. She tried unsuccessfully to make small talk with Tuvok about his grandchildren, her thoughts were elsewhere and Vulcans were not much for small talk anyway. Chakotay arrived sliding into the chair on her left. She turned to give him an unguarded smile, ignoring the potential for public observation, letting some of her true feelings shine through. She wanted to make sure he saw her perfectly healed pink lips. And reluctant as she was to admit it, she needed the luxury of his presence this morning. He returned a brilliant smile of his own.

“Are you ready for this?” she whispered. Risking a brief moment as Kathryn before she would need to put on her Captain’s armor.

“I have my eye on the prize. You and me sneaking around in the barn in Indiana. Maybe in the wheat field. Definitely in the lake.” he murmured as quietly as possible.

The rest of the staff arrived and they were called to attention for the entrance of the Admirals.

“At ease,” commanded Admiral Paris. He recorded the stardate, said some introductory formalities, and the questioning began. Captain Janeway was pleasantly surprised that today’s line of questioning had nothing to do with her personal life. Soft questions were peppered at her crew, allowing them to extoll on their scientific discovers, medical advances, engineering accomplishments, and all of the things she felt were the true successes of the Voyager mission. The morning was shockingly amiable and then they were released for lunch.

She had previously avoided eating with the others for fear their friendly discussions would tear down the shields she desperately needed right now. Today she decided to risk it. The worst of it seemed to be behind them. A few more days and this would all be over. She was already looking towards the hopeful possibilities for her future.

They sat around in a private area at the Starfleet mess hall, telling stories and jokes about their adventures. Commiserating about how much Naomi Wildman missed Neelix and happy to be eating anything other than leola root stew.

Tom shined proudly showing off holoimages of Miral. “She managed to unscrew her bottle last night. I couldn’t believe a three month old would have that kind of dexterity. She is definitely going to be an engineer like her mother.”

“I think that’s just your excuse because you forgot to put the cap on tight,” ribbed his wife.

Kathryn tried not to let tears form in her eyes. She was really going to miss everyone. All of these people were family to her. And now that they were back on Earth they would soon be scattering on different paths. She was getting choked up at the sentiment. Family was all she could think about right now.

They settled back into their positions at the panel and she knew immediately they weren’t in for a repeat of their easygoing morning. Captain Janeway saw a smug look emanating from Admiral Stryker. He clutched a PADD like it contained the solution to exceeding the warp barrier.

“It has come to my attention that there is a change in Captain Janeway’s medical status that is relevant to this board of inquiry. I would like to introduce her medical records from an examination this morning as evidence of fraternization.”

After weeks of Starfleet debriefings and endless questions Captain Janeway finally lost all semblance of her cool, professional façade. Her lips curled into a vicious snarl. An icy glare pierced out at Admiral Stryker. The hatred radiating from her body was noticeable to everyone. She looked like a cobra ready to strike.

Before she could open her mouth the Doctor was already on his feet. “I must object. Doctor-Patient confidentiality insists that those records are private and may not be released without her permission.”

Chakotay paled at the thought of her medical file being read. He could not handle the idea of Starfleet Command picking over the marks and bruises he had left on her body from the night before.

Admiral Stryker continued. “All Starfleet medical records are accessible to commanding officers in order to determine an individual’s fitness for duty. I have every right to access these records.”

“Yes, you have every right to access those records, but you do not have a right to reveal them publically. To do so would be a violation of Starfleet protocol and Federation law,” countered the Doctor.

“As Captain Janeway’s personal physician I will be happy to discuss any of her medical history with you or the other Admiral’s so long as that discussion occurs in a private forum.”

“Greg, what is all this about medical records?” asked a very confused Admiral Paris.

“You can see for yourself,” said Admiral Stryker as he passed the PADD in question to the other Admiral. Admiral Paris quickly scanned the document, turning flush with anger.

“This is in no way relevant to Captain Janeway’s command of the Voyager mission. This is a personal matter that will NOT be introduced into the record.”

The panel of Admirals flurried in a hushed discussion, all wanting to see what was contained on the PADD. They read and quietly argued amongst themselves. The disarray sent the observation gallery into a burst of speculation. Chaos seemed to be erupting around them.

Then a man stood screaming loudly from the front row of the observer seats.

“How long did you wait to replace my dead brother with this Maquis scum? Was he even buried before you gave his job to the terrorist you were fucking?”

“Security,” ordered Admiral Paris. Before the yellow clad Starfleet security officers could reach him, the man raised a weapon and pointed it at Captain Janeway.

“Die like you let my brother die.”

And he fired.

Chakotay lunged in front of her trying to pull her to the ground. A fiery charge struck his arm and pain radiated throughout him. Tuvok was across the railing and into the gallery, subduing the attacker as the rest of the security personnel arrived. Chakotay saw a tear in his uniform and smelled the burn of seared flesh. Then he looked down in his arms. He had been too late. A scorch mark tore through the chest of her uniform as she lay lifeless beneath him.

“Kathryn, oh God Kathryn.”

The Doctor tapped his comm badge urgently. “Medical Emergency. Three to beam directly to Starfleet Hospital.”

Commander Chakotay, Captain Janeway, and the Doctor were transported away with a shiver and a hum. All that remained was the echo of her name cried out in anguish, as it eerily reverberated throughout the hall.

* * *

“Commander place her on the biobed, I need to get her heart restarted.”

Chakotay placed her on the blue and grey bed as nurses and doctors descended upon her figure. He stepped back trying to let them work, his hands trembling at the loss of her touch. Fearing it may be their last.

“Engage the cardiac stimulator. Increase by 100 volts. Again. Good, we have a rhythm. Now we need to assess for neuraltrauma and repair the cardiac tissue.”

He stood shaking and staring for what felt like an eternity, relaxing just slightly when her heartbeat became audible over the sensors. He gazed at her limp, pale face as terror engulfed every fiber of his being.

A nurse came up to his side. “Sir, we need to repair your arm.”

“I can't leave her.”

The Doctor turned from his work to look at Chakotay.

“Commander, she’s going to live. It’s going to take me some time to repair all the damage, though I expect a full recovery. Please go with Ensign Parker. I’ll send for you as soon as I have finished with the Captain’s surgery.”

Chakotay felt a wave of relief, the muscles in his body started to unclench.

“Thank you Doctor.”

She was going to be okay. She was going to be okay. She was going to be okay. He kept repeating the words to himself.

He was in a haze as Ensign Parker led him to another room. He was barely aware as she regenerated the muscles and skin in his right arm.

“Sir? Sir?”

“I’m sorry, what were you saying?”

“Sir, I was asking if you would like to use the comm terminal. If there was anyone you needed to contact right now.”

Gretchen and Phoebe shot through his mind. Oh God, what if they had seen the news? He needed to contact them right away, let them know Kathryn was alive.

“Ensign Parker was it?”

“Yes Sir.”

“Can you please get me an update on Captain Janeway’s condition and a private place where I can contact her family?”

“Yes sir, right away.”

The young Ensign exited and quickly returned with news that the Captain was in recovery, stable, and the Doctor was keeping her sedated for the time being. She led the Commander to a private terminal and left him alone. Chakotay connected to the Janeway residence in Indiana. Her sister’s terrified face answered his call.

“Chakotay, tell me she’s okay!” begged Phoebe.

“She’s going to be fine, out of commission for a few days, but fine. I’ll stay with her at Starfleet Medical until she’s ready to be released,” he tried to sound more reassuring than he felt.

Phoebe turned to shout back into the house. “Mom, Chakotay is on the line. Katie is alright!”

Gretchen’s tear stained faced appeared behind her youngest daughter. “I was so scared when I saw the news. I couldn’t tell how bad she was hit. Starfleet campus is on lockdown following the incident and they wouldn’t let us beam over to the hospital.”

“I’m profoundly sorry you had to experience this Gretchen. I promise you she is going to be fine. I don’t have to tell you how strong a daughter you raised. She is resting right now. As soon as she wakes up I’ll have her call you. Do you need anything? Is there anything else I can do for you?”

Gretchen sniffed and wrapped her arms around Phoebe. “Just bring her back to us as soon as possible.”

“You know I can’t wait to finally see the Janeway family farm,” he said with a bittersweet smile. “If they lift the security lockdown I’ll make sure you are able to visit her.”

“Thank you Chakotay. I’m sure I’ve said it before and I’ll keep saying it. I’m so happy she has you.”

He managed a small smile. “And I’m happy I have her. Try to get some rest now, I’ll let you know the minute she’s awake.”

He closed the comm link. He needed to see Kathryn. He peaked out of whoever’s office he had been using and another nurse found him.

“Sir, let me take you to her,” said the Bolian nurse.

“Ensign... You know who I am looking for?" he asked in slight confusion.

“Ensign Marky, Sir. And if you don’t mind me being so forward, I doubt anyone on the planet doesn’t know who you are looking for.”

Chakotay just noticed that he was on the news screens scattered throughout the hospital waiting area. There he was holding Kathryn’s body and screaming her name. Watching himself relive that moment was impossible. He fidgeted uncomfortably.

“Yes well, if you can take me to her now.”

He followed the blue Ensign through several corridors back to a private room where Kathryn lay sleeping. He came up beside her and carefully clasped her small hand in his much bigger ones. She looked so fragile lying in the biobed, her creamy skin even paler than usual. He gently stroked the hair around her face. Though these were completely opposite circumstances, something about seeing her in such a delicate state brought back the sweet memory of their first time together.

“Oh Kathryn, please come back to me.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A flashback to the first time between Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay.

Chakotay leaned over in his chair to make silly faces and cooing noises at baby Miral. B’Elanna chuckled at his ridiculous attempts to entertain the tiny infant in her arms. Mike Ayala sat on the couch next to B’Elanna, utterly unimpressed at his Commander’s juvenile behavior. 

They were sitting in the sparse living room of Chakotay’s Starfleet assigned quarters, only having returned to Earth a few days prior. Earth quarters had the same basic military issue furniture and drab grey as a Starship’s interior, the main difference being that the curving bulkheads were now replaced with standard perpendicular walls. And outside the widows, views of the Starfleet campus and downtown San Francisco could be seen instead of the star speckled blackness in space.

The three of them were seated in a circle, all dressed in civilian clothes for the first time in years. They had been discussing the fate of the Maquis before the baby had become an adorable distraction. 

“I’m just saying I don’t know if we can trust Starfleet right now,” offered Mike.

Chakotay shook his head in disagreement.

“Look if they were going to prosecute us they would have us waiting in prison instead of posh officer housing. Captain Janeway was promised they intend to formally pardon all of us… beyond that even she isn’t sure what will happen.” 

“What sort of Hu’tegh bastard would put his only grandchild’s mother in prison?” exclaimed B’Elanna in a baby voice as she spoke to her child, “No Grandpa would not, no he would not do that.” Motherhood had definitely changed her.

There was a chime at the door. 

“Come in,” bellowed Chakotay, laughing at the ridiculousness of his Klingon friend.

B’Elanna looked up first and it took her a moment to recognize the woman in front of them. “Sweet mother of Kahless….” she muttered under her breath as she realized who was there and what she wanted.

Kathryn stood before them in a knee-length green dress, the décolletage low enough to provide an enticing view of her cleavage. Instead of her sturdy Starfleet boots she wore soft ballet flats. She stood relaxed, no hint of her typical rigid military posture. Her face held only a hint of makeup, a touch of gloss on her lips and possibly a brush of color over her eyes. The most surprising part of her appearance was her hair. She must have used a follicle stimulator, because what had been a severe chin length bob was now a cascade of loose golden curls that fell below her shoulders. The softness of her figure and the lightness in her demeanor was a stark contrast to the stalwart persona they all knew.

Chakotay’s jaw fell open. Even on New Earth she had never looked this free. He knew he was staring, but he couldn’t make himself turn away.

“Good evening everyone,” Kathryn offered in a friendly tone. 

“Good evening Captain,” stammered Mike and B’Elanna, Chakotay was still unable to speak, staring mouth agape.

“I wanted to come by and let the Commander know that the crew has been officially reassigned to Starfleet Headquarters pending the outcome of the Voyager administrative transition period.” 

Her voice resonated warmth, barely a hint of her command authority. 

“So that means I am no longer in charge of any of you…” her voice tapered off at the end, her eyes fixated on Chakotay, hoping he understood the offer this news implied.

Even if he hadn’t figured it out, B’Elanna most certainly had. “Uh, that must be a relief for you both…Um I mean it must be nice to be rid of so much responsibility….” stammered the Klingon engineer. “I should really get the baby back to Tom, he probably misses her by now.” 

Ayala was not quite taking the hint. She nudged him repeatedly, trying to make him understand it was time to leave. His density was astounding. “Mike, can you help me carry the baby’s bag please?”

“Oh, what?” he was also distracted by the Captain’s appearance. “Yeah sure, whatever you need.” They both rose and B’Elanna gave a hasty good bye before practically pulling Ayala out the front door.

“Hey what was that all about?” he asked once they were outside. “I wanted to see what the Captain was like outside of the command structure.”

“You clueless man,” she said shaking her head. “I think she wants to show Chakotay what she’s like outside of the command structure first.”

“Oh,” replied a still confused Ayala. 

“Oh wait you mean… Oh!” Mike stuttered as he realized what B’Elanna was telling him.

Back inside, Chakotay and Kathryn couldn’t take their eyes off each other. She chewed her lower lip as she wandered coyly around the room, her right hand trailing over the tops of his chairs, pacing a circuitous route to be near him. He stood, transfixed by her beauty. 

“Is that all you wanted to tell me Kathryn?” he shivered.

“No, I wanted to give you something as well.”

He stood up and took slow, purposeful strides to meet her, closing the distance until they were face-to-face, mere inches separating their bodies.

“And what is this gift?” he dared to ask.

“I am.”

She carefully brought her hands to his face and guided him down until his lips met hers in a soft kiss. He moved his hands up to rest on her waist as he pressed his mouth back against hers, the culmination of his hopes finally realized. All the pain, the confusion, the turmoil, and the uncertainty of the past was replaced by the tantalizing promise of the future.

The kiss started to deepen and their mouths opened farther, tongues tentatively exploring new boundaries. He pulled her towards him until their bodies were flush together, his hands wandering her curves in a deliberate and unhurried manner.

There would be no red alerts. No explosive nebula. No alien attacks. No warp core overloads. There was no need to rush, it was finally their time and they would rejoice in every splendid moment. Both of them content in the knowledge that tonight they would finally be lovers.

He broke the kiss temporarily so he could look once more upon her lovely face. The withdrawal of his mouth, released the sounds of their heavy breathing. He stroked a lock of hair behind her ear before continuing his caress down the top of her milky white breasts, the tips of his fingers just hooking into the neckline of her dress. 

His look was intense, countless years of oppressed feelings and hidden yearnings bubbling to the surface. His fingers intertwined with hers and he led her to his bedroom. Looking over his shoulder the entire way, watching her delight with the unspoken promise of what was soon to come. When they reached the foot of his bed he pulled her to him once more. 

He resumed kissing her, finding her neck, her collarbone, the soft skin of her chest. She leaned her head back with a quiet moan, encouraging him to continue. He worked his hands into the top of her dress, pulling the wide, stretchy neckline over her shoulders, down to her waist, eventually pushing it past her hips until the fabric lay in a pool at her feet. A pink lacy bra and panties were all that clothed her now.

Not a hint of shyness crossed her face. She stood open before him almost as an offering for him to accept. His appreciative gaze wandered over her body as she worked off his tunic and pants. Clad only in his underwear he began to explore her with great care. 

His warm mouth lingered between her breasts, hands traveling to learn the feel of all her soft curves. She massaged her own hands into the back of his shoulders and pressed her pelvis forward daring to meet the hardness between his legs.

Chakotay unhooked the clasp of her bra. The lacy cups dropped to reveal her trembling breasts with attentive dark pink nipples. He cupped one worshipfully, rolling the flesh between his hand before taking the nipple into his mouth. He gave his attention to her other sweet breast before he returned his mouth to hers. 

Passionate, yearning kisses ensued. She clung to him tightly, allowing the shear bliss of this moment to well up inside her. He eventually parted them again, this time so he could lay her down upon his bed.

Their eyes locked. He never broke from her gaze as he slid off her underwear and pressed out of his own. The sight of a naked Kathryn Janeway in his bed was the most surreal experience. He silently thanked the spirits for allowing him this moment.

“Beautiful. So, beautiful.”

She blushed at his compliment. They were both older and less firm than when they had first met. There was a softness around her middle now and small wrinkles had started to appear on her face. And those same tell tale signs of age were apparent in Chakotay as well. Still seeing each other naked for the first time provided no embarrassment or need to conceal their physical imperfections. Their attraction for each other was beyond measure.

She lustfully appraised Chakotay’s strong muscles, the cut sharpness of his youth having long subsided, yet she was enamored by his copper skin and still robust frame. She delighted at the sight of his glorious, sturdy cock, starting to imagine how it would feel inside her. 

Chakotay was in equal splendor at the woman before him. Finally able to see all her curves brought him close to ecstasy, he wanted to commit the shape of every inch of her body to memory. His desire for this woman was all consuming. He was ready to burst from this view of Kathryn, who was soon to be _his_ Kathryn.

“You’re beautiful,” he repeated, his eyes divulging the truth in his statement.

“You’re quite enjoyable to look at as well,” she replied.

Then she spread her legs to further reveal herself to him, as if saying I trust you with all of my being, come and claim me.

She expected him to take her immediately. Instead he carefully leaned over, settling his upper body between her legs. His lips teased into her hip bones and his hands ran along the length of her inner thighs. His tongue tenderly lapped at her flesh as he slowly lowered it in place at her sex.

He made eye contact as he plunged his tongue against her clit. His firm throbbing rhythm sent jolts of electricity throughout her entire body. She quaked as he moved down to lick the outer folds of her labia before returning to suck against her sensitive mound. He worked a single finger inside her tight, warm core. With considerable coaxing he he was able to loosen her inner walls just enough to add a second finger. His fingers and mouth then coordinated an intense, pulsing pressure against all her most erotic areas. Licking and pressing her into a heightened state. He curled up his fingers to brush the inner wall of her g-spot and the tantalizing rub pushed her over the edge faster than either had anticipated.

A white heat enveloped her body. Her muscles clamped and she rolled uncontrollably about his hand and her hips bucked into his face. The undulating, compression on his hand was so extreme he couldn’t have extracted his fingers if he tried. She cried out, convulsing in frenzied joy before collapsing sated into his bed sheets. 

In her post orgasm haze she was only vaguely aware as he climbed up to meet her. He pressed appreciative kisses against her face and neck. She exulted in the fragrant taste of her own juices on Chakotay’s mouth.

He gave her a moment to recover before he positioned himself above her. His weight rested on his elbows as he moved his hips until he was aligned just outside her slick, wet heat. She held her hands up against his chest, once again their expression locked in the intensity of their need. The enormity of this moment not lost on either. 

He started a lustful descent and was met with immediate resistance. A flash of discomfort crossed Kathryn’s face. He retracted completely and he waited patiently for her approval to continue.

“Chakotay,” she murmured. “It’s been a very, very, very long time. You may need to be gentle.”

“The gentlest,” he reassured her. 

He kissed her lips, a deep sultry kiss trying to stimulate her natural flow of arousal. This time he rubbed his cock around the walls of her labia and clit, covering himself completely in her lubrication before he tried to unite them again. He slowly and carefully pushed his spongy tip into her dripping entrance. From there he inched his way in, circling and soothing, gradually pausing at any signs of opposition. Despite her wetness she was considerably tight and her inner walls were straining with his admission. He rocked his hips with caution trying to ease himself inside, only going further as her body became accustomed to his presence. With each push he slowly sank deeper and deeper. Each of his advances coincided with a quiet moan escaping from her mouth.

Finally their bodies were completely intertwined and he was fully encased in her hot, pulsing core. He was desperate to move as he looked to her for permission. She nodded her consent with a euphoric smile. Chakotay took a moment to appreciate the overwhelming sensation of being completely sheathed inside her. The pleasure was beyond compare. 

Then his need to move overcame him and he pulled himself out before reentering her completely with one passionate thrust. The motion caused her eyes to roll back and her eyelids to flutter. He began to stroke into her, each movement measured and decisive. She grasped him tightly, pushing her pelvis up to meet each of his lunges, exulting in the sheer decadence of each connection.

Again and again he plunged into her depths, gradually building their tempo. Gasps and cries punctuated each meeting of their flesh. Grinding and gripping, his instincts began to take over from his conscious mind. Soon he felt himself losing control, visceral need overtaking all else. Her desperate whimpers indicated she must be close as well.

Pounding over and over he recklessly sought release as she found hers first. He heard her scream his name and felt the tight clench against his member. Her muscles milked his own into relief as his seed shot wantonly inside her. 

He fell spent on top of her, heaving deep breaths trying to get oxygen in his lungs and blood back inside his brain. He feared he was crushing her and lurched himself to the side, leaving only his arm and head resting upon her chest.

He could feel her quick heartbeat fluttering beneath him. He was convinced his own heart was on the verge of an explosion. Oh how he loved this woman!

With their consummation completed he found himself suddenly insecure about what would happen next. They had spoken so few words and he was unsure of her ultimate intentions. He raised his head to look at her. He needed to hear it, he needed to know for certain. 

"Kathryn," he asked with a slight hint of hesitation. "You're mine now?" 

She soothed a hand over his jaw, trying to convey the boundless depth of her emotions for this man. He could see there were tears beginning to form at the corners of her eyes. 

“Yes. I’m yours forever.”


	6. Chapter 6

He awoke cramped and disoriented on a hard cot. Someone had brought it to her room when it became apparent he would not leave her side. He heard voices somewhere nearby as he struggled to brush off the last remnants of sleep.

“Captain I’m glad to see you are finally awake,” delighted the Doctor. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m okay, a little soreness in my chest. Nothing worth noting.” Suddenly her voice cracked into a note of panic. “Is… Is everyone else okay?”

“Put your mind at ease Captain. Absolutely _everyone_ is just fine,” he said pointedly.

“Oh thank God,” she sighed with relief. She noticed Chakotay curled up on the cot beside her bed. “Has he been here the whole time?”

“He only left long enough to get his arm healed and give an update to your family.”

She knew he must be exhausted. She flinched thinking about how much pain she would be in if the situation was reversed. The idea of losing him was not something she could bear to fathom.

“Now why don’t we see about getting you some breakfast so we can get your strength back up.”

“I don’t really want breakfast, just coffee would be fine.”

The Doctor threw up his hands in exasperation and gave her a stern reprimand.

“I would think after the events of the past twenty four hours you would realize you need to take better care of your health. You need consistent nutrition and we have to substantially reduce your caffeine intake.”

“Fine have the nurse send me some fruit and granola.” She stubbornly agreed, then she quickly added. “And a _small_ cup of coffee.”

“I guess I’ll accept that as progress. Sit tight, I’ll be back in a bit to check your vitals.”

Chakotay was fully awake now, struggling to right himself so he could go to her.

“Oh Chakotay you’re up,” she happily exclaimed as he clambered to her bedside.

“Yes Kathryn I’m here.” He clasped her hand and leaned over to place a sweet kiss on her forehead.

“What happened? Who attacked me? How were they able to get a weapon into Starfleet Command?” A hint of the Captain peeked through demanding a report.

“Tuvok subdued the attacker, who turned out to be your former First Officer’s brother, Simon Cavit. From what Tuvok reported, security believes he broke up components of the weapon to get them through the safety scans, stashing them about the Starfleet gardens before reassembling them into a fully capable plasma weapon. Fortunately, he improperly reconnected the components and it did not fire at full force. Had it been connected correctly you probably wouldn’t have survived….” His voice choked at the thought of losing her.

“Don’t worry Chakotay, you’re not going to be able to get rid of me that easily.” She reassured him with a squeeze of her hand.

“And before you ask. No, I don’t feel guilty about Cavit’s death. There are a lot of deaths that weigh heavily on my head, but not that one. There was nothing I could have done to prevent the Caretaker from dragging us across the galaxy.“

Chakotay was pleasantly surprised that she had accepted the news with relative calm and wasn’t attempting to martyr herself for a change.

“There is something I need to talk to you about though…” a slight quiver in her tone.

“Whatever it is, I’m here for you, now and for always,” he pledged.

“I wanted to talk to you about the medical report they were trying to introduce at the inquiry.”

This was not a topic Chakotay particularly wanted to address. He was ashamed he had allowed himself be rough with her and absolutely mortified that all of Starfleet Command was privy to the aftermath.

“Look Kathryn, I’m so sorry about what happened the other night. I can’t believe I let myself behave like that. I assure you I will never treat you like that again.”

She appeared confused, then understanding washed across her face. She snickered a little. “Well hopefully not never…. But no, that’s not what was in my medical report.”

“If not that, than what? What could have caused so much consternation among all those Admirals?”

She placed both her hands in his and looked up at him almost as if she was struggling with what to say. Kathryn Janeway was never at a loss for words.

“Chakotay, I’m pregnant.”

He stood immobilized trying to comprehend the words she had spoken. He turned them around in his head, switching and rotating them, as if trying to put together the pieces of a puzzle. Kathryn was pregnant. She was pregnant with his child. Kathryn was going to have a baby. His baby. He was going to be a father. They were going to have a family. The realization of what she said sent tears of joy flowing down his cheeks.

“Kathryn…. “ he stammered clutching her hands tightly, his smile as bright as a stellar flare. “I… I don’t… I can’t… God, I ‘m making a mess of this… I’m just so damn happy….”

He kissed her lips with wild glee then placed a reverent hand upon her abdomen, gently stroking where his child grew beneath. He moved his head lower and peppered her stomach with soft kisses. She giggled at his sweet affections.

“If you think you’re surprised, I wish you could have seen my face when the Doctor told me. I nearly fell off the examination table,” she laughed.

“How far along are you?” he asked, his hand still magnetized to her stomach.

“Seven weeks, plenty of time for us to figure out this whole parenting thing. And of course, work out the Starfleet thing too.”

Starfleet. A cold chill invaded his blissful thoughts. He had nearly lost both of them. They could both be dead right now. Taken from him before he even knew.

She watched the worry overtake his happiness.

“Chakotay, it’s okay. We’re both fine. And it’s lucky I went to the Doctor yesterday morning. Since he discovered I was pregnant, he knew to protect the fetus after I was shot.”

“What do you get a holographic Doctor as a thank you present?” he asked, feeling eternally grateful to a man made only of photons.

“I think we might have to let him sing Rigoletto to my stomach for the next eight months,” grinned Kathryn.

* * *

The promotion ceremony had just concluded and Admiral Janeway was surrounded by a mob of wellwishers. And for the first time since the attack Chakotay was not by her side. The man had been unyielding in his need to protect her from any possible threat, real or imagined. He refused to be more than a few paces from her whenever she went out in public. And only a sea of Admirals had been able to part them even momentarily. It felt like every Admiral in the fleet wanted to shake her hand. And there was no shortage of brass seeking out Chakotay as well. She noticed Admiral Stryker approaching among the crowd.

“Congratulations on the well-deserved promotion!” started Admiral Stryker. “If I could take a minute of your time.”

He gestured away from the celebrating throngs and towards a quiet corner.

She followed him cautiously.

“I owe you an apology Admiral Janeway.”

“That is a bit of an understatement,” she replied in a stiff manner, arms crossed firmly over her chest.

“Don’t get too cocky, I owe you for Cavit. We screwed up and should have seen him coming. You getting attacked like that never should have happened. You have my sincere apologies for that charlie foxtrot. As for the rest, you’re certainly clever enough, I trust by now you’ve figured out what I was doing.”

“I’m not entirely sure I understand everything,” she started, her voice a combination of annoyance and curiosity.

“I know you were trying to make my personal life seem as salacious as possible, keep it filling up the news reports. What I couldn’t figure out is what you were trying to keep out of the news. I thought the Dominion War maybe, but that is in the past, nothing urgent to hide.”

He let out a low chuckle.

“There is a reason you made it this far. You’re right it’s not about the Dominion War, there are more pressing issues. The situation with the Romulans is growing critical. You’ll be brought up to speed in detail when you return to duty.”

A look of concern crossed her face. Romulans? She wondered what kind of threat could be facing them now.

“The Admirality approved my request to use this inquiry as part of a public relations gambit. That is the part of the story everyone at Starfleet Command knows. But what about the rest? What else was I doing?” he asked.

She considered her answer carefully.

“You were testing me. You wanted to know how I would react when you exploited my biggest weakness. Why were you testing me?”

“You are indeed a cunning woman,” he complimented her with the utmost sincerity.

“I needed to know if you were right for the job. My job in fact. I’m about to retire and it’s not something I can pass on to just anyone. I knew you could execute the mission well. I needed to know if you had any exploitable weaknesses. I had to be sure no one could abuse your affections for Commander...I mean Captain Chakotay to manipulate you in your new position. I wouldn’t have pushed as hard as I did if I didn’t think you could take it.”

“I didn’t realize the Office of Protocol was such a treacherous place?” she queried with a raised eyebrow.

“That’s my official title, unofficially I run Section 31. Covert ops.”

Janeway paused. Section 31 had a notoriously bad reputation, questions of illegal and immoral behavior often shrouded in secrecy and with little oversight from Starfleet Command.

He saw her doubts immediately.

“I know what you’re thinking. Section 31 went off the rails for a time before I came on board. I tried to reign it in, bring it back to the tactical precision and usefulness of its heyday. Unfortunately, I can't carry this mission any further. I think you’re the woman who can continue cleaning up the riff raff and keeping them on course. Section 31 needs someone who can guide them when no one else is watching. You spent the better part of a decade proving you could keep your ethical compass pointing north even when the rest of Starfleet wasn’t watching.”

“And if I refuse?" she asked.

“Well you can go be like every other Admiral, wining and dining Ambassadors and drowning under a mountain of paperwork. Though we both know that’s not what you’re going to choose.”

He was right. She craved the action. She craved the challenge. She would never turn down the chance at such an intriguing command. He could see her churning it all over in her mind.

“Don’t think too much about it. At least for now,” he said. “Go celebrate and enjoy the welcome home party tonight. There will be plenty of work when you start in a few months.” He paused. “I expect we’ll need to figure out what an Admiral’s maternity uniform looks like by then.”

Her face flushed in indignation before relaxing a little.

“I’m going to be the news darling for quite some time, aren’t I?”

“We would certainly appreciate it if you would at least throw them a juicy tidbit every now and then. Besides what could be a better cover story? Who’s going to believe all of Starfleet shadow operations are being run by the first Admiral with a baby on her hip? You’ll be the picture perfect example of a family friendly Starfleet out in the open and the hard charging, no nonsense leader Section 31 needs behind closed doors.”

Kathryn sighed.

“The bitter irony. I spent so long trying to prevent this relationship to appease Starfleet rules and now you’re telling me Starfleet wants me to parade it out in the open every chance I get?”

“Don’t worry Admiral Janeway, there are many perks to this situation. The first one being Captain Chakotay and yourself are getting stationed together. Since you’ll be at Starfleet Command he’ll be offered a teaching position at Starfleet Academy.”

“He will be an excellent professor,“ Janeway agreed.

“Well who better to teach tactics than a man who exploited a dozen separate security flaws just to sneak into your quarters,” deadpanned Stryker.

She was about done with this conversation. Admiral Janeway turned to walk away and then looked back over her shoulder.

“One more thing. You need to steer clear of Captain Chakotay for quite some time. I just got his criminal record expunged. I don’t need him committing any new felonies.”

Admiral Stryker laughed a little.

Her stern consternation tried to make it clear that this was not a joke.

“He wouldn’t be worth your time if he didn’t want to take a swing at me right now. Well congratulations again Admiral. I’ll be in touch,” he said before making a hasty retreat.

Kathryn shook her head in amazement.

“What the hell did he want?” asked a familiar voice.

“Chakotay,” she exclaimed cheerfully.

She turned to see the welcoming presence of her handsome man. The dark, curving tattoo and bright smile a beacon of comfort in a sea of strangers. She let her gaze drift from his face, down to his collar, which was now adorned with four circular pips.

She licked her lips in a flirtatious manner. “You know, I have never made love to a Captain before.”

He stepped forwarding leaning in closely, scarcely shy of touching her body.

“Well from experience, I can highly recommend it,” he huffed.

“If we leave now we’ll have a few hours to celebrate on our own before we’re expected at the homecoming ball,” her voice filled with yearning.

Chakotay felt the heat and desire start to course through his veins. “And this is why they put you in charge, you always have the best plans.”

She tapped her comm badge, while maintaining her lustful stare. “Starfleet Transporter Station. This is Admiral Janeway, two to beam directly to my quarters.”

“First day on the job and already abusing the perks,” he teased as they both vanished from the room.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know most of the plot points got tied up in the last chapter, still I wanted a little more finality. And also because this is explicit there needed to be one more gratuitous sex scene :) Thank you for everyone who read this and especially everyone who left kudos and comments! It's my first time in the fan fiction community and I appreciate how welcoming you have all been! And I hope you enjoy the ending!

They stood hand and hand at the entrance to the Starfleet ballroom. Chakotay looked polished in his black tuxedo as he glanced at the beautiful woman beside him. Kathryn was stunning in an asymmetric silver dress. The single shouldered top highlighted her delicate collarbones and small waist, before falling in a loose pool from her hips, the metallic fabric making her body shimmer like a reflection nebula. Her hair was up in an elaborate bun, while she wanted to be Kathryn more in the future, at least for her final night with the Voyager family she wanted to retain some semblance of the Captain they knew.

He squeezed her hand in anticipation.

“Are you ready to go in?” he asked

“Our last official Voyager function. It’s bittersweet. I’m excited to start the next chapter of our life, but I’m sad to see our family scatter.”

“I know how you feel. That’s the nature of life, nothing is permanent, everything is always changing. And it’s okay because the only constant I need is you.” He radiated warmth and love with every word.

Owen Paris appeared at the top of the stairs before Kathryn could reply. 

“There you two are!” exclaimed the Admiral. “You look lovely Katie. Your father would be so proud of you! Now we need to get you both inside so we can get this thing officially started.”

“Well, we wouldn’t want the celebration to be delayed on our account,” she said. 

They followed Admiral Paris up the stairs, through the elaborately decorated hall, and onto a raised dais at the front. Chakotay escorted her up to the platform arms linked together. She picked up the side of her skirt with her free hand to walk up the stairs, the folds of her shimmery dress swaying with each step.

Admiral Paris faced the crowd and activated the voice amplifier. “Good evening ladies and gentlemen. Welcome Starfleet officers and honored dignitaries. We are here tonight to celebrate the return of the USS Voyager, a little ship that managed to survive being thrown across the galaxy and against all odds found their way back to Earth. And now I give you the commanding officers that led Voyager home, I am honored to present Admiral Janeway and Captain Chakotay.”

Cheers and applause erupted throughout the hall. Kathryn released her hold on his arm and prodded Chakotay forward. 

“You first my dear.”

Chakotay hesitated then shyly approached the speaker’s podium. 

“Those who know me, know I’m not much for speaking in front of a crowd, so I’ll keep this brief. I am honored to have served with each and every one of you. In the most difficult of circumstances you not only survived, you fought, you grew, you persevered. I am proud to be a part of this Voyager family.” He paused. “And I would like to take a moment to recognize the members of our family who didn’t make it home.”

The room fell silent in remembrance of the 37 Voyager crewmen who had not survived. Durst. Bandera. Kaplan. Martin. Carey. Cavit. He announced all of the names solemnly. Allowing the respective peace to linger a little longer after he had finished.

“And now I pass you into the hands that guided our entire journey, she may be an Admiral now, but she will always be our Captain Janeway.”

Applause and shouts shifted the somber mood back to one of celebration. 

“Thank you Chakotay and thank you to the friends and family of our crew that are here this evening. For seven years, I was entrusted with the care of your loved ones. I tried my best to lead this crew and it was an easier task with so many smart, capable, innovative, and dedicated individuals. I consider being your Captain the honor of my life. The mission is complete now that you are all returned to your homes and families. I know my family has grown by 150 more and I hope all of yours has as well. May you all find as much success in your future endeavors as we have found together. Now eat, drink, dance, and celebrate the victory you earned!”

More applause sounded and the music began. She backed away from the voice amplifier and turned to Chakotay. “So what do you want to do first, dance or mingle?”

“Are those my only choices? Because I would enjoy finding a coat closet about now…”

She flushed red. 

“Now Captain, behave yourself.”

“No. Absolutely not. Not now. And not ever again. I’m done behaving around you,” he growled in a covetous tone.

“Well then let’s give them the show they’ve been waiting for.”

Kathryn took his hand and led him to the middle of the dance floor. They locked arms in a perfectly formal stance and began to waltz. He led her around and around the floor never taking his eyes off her. 

“How’s my hair?” she asked.

“Lovely. Why do you ask?”

“Because we are about to be on every news feed in this quadrant and I would hate to look unkempt,” she flirted.

Chakotay took her hint and twirled Kathryn out from him in a fantastic spin. Then he wound her back, collapsing past their original stance and pulling her into a close embrace. He took a moment to appreciate her beauty, finding himself in awe that this moment had finally come. He stroked a hand along the base of her neck and guided her forward to his lips. Their mouths met, tentatively at first, years of subconscious restraint still holding him back. Then he felt her clutch him tighter, releasing his desire from captivity, and they sunk into a desperate, impassioned kiss. 

The room exploded with wolf whistles, roars, and fervent clapping. They finally parted, giddy smiles plastered on both their faces.

“So now what?” she asked.

“Now we do whatever we want.” 

And he began to lead her around the dance floor once again. After several more songs they started to make their rounds, she was determined to thank each and every crewman personally before the night was over. Some were a quick exchange of congratulations and others conversations, like with Naomi Wildman, were long heartfelt discussions. 

After more mingling than Chakotay would have preferred they joined a cluster of the senior staff at the edge of the ballroom. Tuvok, T’Pel, B’Elanna, Tom, and Harry were all talking and drinking cheerfully. Chakotay and Kathryn walked up and he guided her in front of him with a light hand along her hip.

“Hiding in the corner I see,” joked Kathryn.

“Admiral! Captain!” exclaimed Tom Paris. "I’m so glad you could join us. We were just regaling T’Pel with stories of Tuvok’s cooking skills. Apparently she wants to try his much lauded Terra Nut Souffle.”

Tuvok looked about as irritated as a Vulcan could look.

Kathryn laughed. “Well with the four months leave we all have, you could certainly use some of that time to demonstrate your skills in the kitchen.”

He raised his eyebrow as if to say “et tu Captain?”.

Chakotay whispered in Kathryn’s ear. “Can I tell them?” And she nodded her consent.

“You don’t need to tell us anything,” said a keen eared B’Elanna. “I think everyone got your message loud and clear on the dance floor. And we are all thrilled you two are finally together!” 

“No, that’s not what I want to tell you,” Chakotay replied, a hint of mischief in his eye. He moved his arm further around Kathryn, placing his right had possessively on her stomach.

“Kathryn is pregnant,” Chakotay beamed proudly.

Lieutenant Kim spit his champagne at least two meters at the announcement. 

“Wow Chakotay, you two really took off at Warp 9 didn’t you?” laughed Tom Paris. 

Tuvok replied with the same aplomb as if Chakotay had announced he was going to get another drink. “Given the advanced age of the Admiral and the Captain, it is logical that they would hastily embark on any attempts at procreation before they exceed the maximum age for human reproduction.”

“These guys really know how to kill a moment,” ribbed B’Elanna, rolling her eyes. “I think I speak for every member of our socially inept bridge crew when I say congratulations! That’s wonderful news!” And she swept Chakotay and Kathryn up in a big hug. “Can’t wait for Miral to have someone to play with!” 

The rest of the senior staff joined in offering congratulations, handshakes, and hugs to the expecting couple. And the rest of the night was spent retelling the best stories of their voyage and talking about their plans for the future. 

As the evening was winding down Chakotay led Kathryn from the ballroom and out onto the Starfleet promenade. They walked fingers interlaced under the clear starry night, the Golden Gate Bridge illuminating the skyline in front of them. His tuxedo jacket was slung over his shoulder and her strappy heels dangled from her free hand. 

“I’ve got one more surprise for you,” she said.

“What else can you possibly give me that I don’t already have?”

She walked him further along and they turned a corner to see their ship, their home, had landed on the vast green field before them. The USS Voyager looked resplendent in the moonlight. 

“They are going to open her up on public display for a few weeks starting tomorrow. We get a sneak preview tonight…” She gave him an impish look then led him up the lowered gangplank back to Voyager.

“Good Evening Lt Walker.”

“Good Evening Admiral,” replied the Starfleet guard posted at the entrance.

“You have been instructed that the ship is ours tonight.”

“Yes Ma’am. Auxiliary power is active to life support, turbolifts, and replicators at this time. Lt Hayden will be my relief and she will properly power down and seal the ship upon your exit.”

“Thank you Lt Walker.”

Chakotay wasn’t sure if he was more impressed that she had leveraged her new position to get them one last night on their ship or that Lt Walker stood at attention as they walked past for their obviously non-regulation endeavors. And Kathryn’s brazen attitude toward the whole situation was a major turn on. 

Once alone in the corridor, he dared to ask her, “How did you pull this off?”

“Let’s just say this is part apology and part publicity stunt, courtesy of Admiral Stryker.”

“Still not a big enough apology. And publicity stunt?” he asked curiously, with a single raised eyebrow.

She laughed. “Yes, Starfleet has given me the loose directive to use our relationship to generate as many headlines as possible. Try to look a little shocked when some reporter finds us exiting the ship in the morning.” 

“If being with you is now a Starfleet prerogative I can think of no more enjoyable mission,” he smiled and pulled her closer.

They entered the turbolift and she ordered, “Bridge.”

Chakotay called “Computer halt turbolift.”

“What you want to start somewhere else? Here?” she asked. “There are fifteen decks and we are not as young as we used to be. I suggest we stick to the highlights or we won’t be able to walk out of here tomorrow,” a wicked glimmer in her eye.

“No, no, I definitely want to start on the bridge. But before we end up naked and distracted I need to talk to you about something first. I’ve been trying for days and I keep missing the moment to have this conversation with you. Once we get started I know we’ll be too distracted and then we’ll be in Indiana tomorrow and I’m not sure we’ll find the time with your family around. I need to talk to you about something serious and I need you to listen.” 

He tried to stand firm on his emotional conviction despite his dream women standing so close to him, obviously hell bent on fulfilling years of pent up sexual fantasies. 

“Okay what do you want to talk about?” she asked seductively, hands undoing his bowtie and unbuttoning the top button of his shirt.

He grabbed her hands to stop her advances. 

“Kathryn, I mean it. We’re going to talk. You’ve been avoiding this for so long and I can’t let you avoid it any more. I might have let you go on like this, I might have let it stand, but with a child on the way you have to start facing some of your demons.”

Her flirtatious demeanor disappeared and was replaced with an inscrutable one.

“Babies aren’t a magic panacea and we have years of trauma and pent up emotions that I don’t want to impact our child. We both had complicated relationships with our own parents and I want us to do better. And on top of that, you’ll be throwing yourself into another high stress command before the baby is even born. You’re the strongest woman I have ever met, still you’re human and need to accept that you need help sometimes.”

She continued to listen attentively, not wanting to speak until he had finished.

“I want you to see a counselor. You always said you wished Voyager had a counselor on board and you’ve been stubbornly avoiding them now that they are available everywhere. We can go together or separately, whatever you find easier. Either way, it needs to happen.”

He searched for signs of her reaction, knowing how much she hated being forced into doing anything.

“Alright, I’ll make an appointment tomorrow. After we get to Indiana.”

His eyes opened in surprise. “You’re not going to fight me on this?”

"No."

"Not even a little?” he asked in amazement.

“No, you’re right. This is something that needs to happen. As irritating as it is, you’re right more often than I care to admit.”

He smiled and pulled her in for a hug. 

“Well now that that’s settled…. Computer resume.”

___________________________________________________

The bridge was eerily quiet without the constant hum of Voyager’s engines and the bustle of the bridge crew presence. They sat in their command chairs, holding hands over the counsel, and taking in the familiar space.

“You know how many times I looked at your ass when you leaned over the helm?”

“Many times, I hope.”

“I think it’s time I throw you over that station and make you scream,” he stood up and went to grab her when she abruptly stopped him.

Kathryn placed a hand on his chest, pressing back as she rose from the Captain’s chair with the full weight of her command presence.

“You forget yourself _Commander_. This is my bridge and here you obey my orders.” 

His pants tightened at her demand for obedience. 

“Yes, Captain,” he quickly responded unable to contain the arousal in his voice.

She walked him back to his seat and pushed him down in his chair. She sunk to her knees in front of him, unbuckling his belt and dropping the fly of his zipper. Reaching into his pants, she released his swollen member. 

“At least you remembered to stand at attention for your Captain,” she teased. 

Her tongue made one slow, long lick from the base of his penis to the top. Then with a coy look she took him into her mouth. She started with just the head, her tongue swirling around the top of his cock and flicking along the sensitive underside where it met the rest of his shaft. Her mouth worked down his entire length, her lips pressing firmly all around him, until he made contact with the back of her throat. 

He moved to place a hand on the back of her head and she released him suddenly.

“Did I give you permission to touch?” she reprimanded and slapped his hand away.

“No, Ma’am.”

“Put your hands on the sides of your chair and don’t move them until I command.”

“Yes, Ma’aaaam,” he gasped as she took him in her hot, wet mouth once more, lightly dragging her teeth to remind him who was in charge. 

She moved quickly up and down his cock; sucking, licking, and pressing in a perfectly synchronized motion. She dragged her hands along his inner thighs, clawing him sharply with her fingernails every time he bottomed out inside her. Chakotay was losing control, he gripped the armrests tighter, his knuckles turning white from the strain. She was building up momentum. Faster and faster. He was on the edge.

Then she broke from him with a pop and he groaned at the loss of contact. He sat panting, searching her face for what she would do next. She stood up and took a few steps back before lifting the hem of her dress with both hands.

Kathryn shimmied a pair of blue panties down her legs and tossed them carelessly over her shoulder. She walked back to Chakotay, pulling her dress up, as she proceeded to climb on top of him. Her dripping heat was too alluring and he bucked up frantically trying to find her entrance.

She scolded him with a “Patience Commander!” Then she positioned her sopping lips to rub along the length of his erection. She slid up and down, tormenting him with the promise of what was just out of his reach. His hands came off the armrests, tensing in midair as he fought to keep from grabbing her and forcing himself up inside her.

She watched his body teetering on the brink and it unleashed her own escalating need for him. She quickly guided him to her center and mounted herself fully in one forceful push. They both groaned as their bodies interlocked.

She loved the way her muscles stretched to meet his fit, her body first resisting then adjusting to his perfect girth. She clenched around him, providing a little pulse of encouragement and sending his eyes rolling back inside his head.

Then hunger overtook her and she began to grind and rock against him. She moved her hands up to finish unbuttoning his shirt then decided to rip it apart instead. Buttons popped and she forced the offensive material over his shoulders so she could gain better access to his chest.

Her mouth sucked and nibbled on any part of his skin she could find. His neck, his nipples, his pectoral muscles, his lips. He tilted his head back moaning, desperate for her to release him to touch her back, afraid he would rip the armrests off the command chair. She continued to crush and knead her body into his, little sounds punctuating their impacts. 

Too much fabric was in the way. She reached back and worked the zipper down her dress. She pulled the obstructing garment over her head and tossed it somewhere near the operations console. She wore no bra and the site of her exposed breasts sent him closer to his breaking point. She dragged her nipples against his face as his mouth fought against his urge to obtain one between his lips. She reached up and released the pins from her bun, allowing her wavy locks to cascade down around her undulating body. A naked Kathryn Janeway was now riding him with ardent determination. He was losing his mind with desire.

Finally she gave him his permission.

“Touch me, Chakotay.”

His body practically engulfed her as he searched for every point of contact their skin could achieve. His mouth invaded hers with a furious vigor. His hands grabbed and rubbed all over her back and breasts. He lifted his hips and thrust up inside her repeatedly, taking back control of the pace of their lovemaking. 

He grabbed a nipple roughly with his mouth and furiously sucked and nipped at her breast. He directed her hand to her clitoris and used his own to guide her in rubbing rough circles to stimulate herself. He let go of her hand and slid his own over her body until her decisively gripped her buttocks. He used his strong hold to slam her into himself with even more force. Again and again he thrusted up and pulled her down in one synchronous motion, making their bodies meet in a powerful union.

“Oh God yes, “ she cried out in approval. Her hands laced under his arms and clung to his shoulders desperately. She began to tremble and he knew she was close. 

The sight of her ablaze in passion while straddled over him was too much for Chakotay to bear. He picked up his pace and drove into her over and over and over again until he lost himself inside her. He held her tight as he burst forth, her own orgasm started to ripple and she shook uncontrollably as he held them fast together.

He collapsed back into his chair as she fell equally spent on top of him, her arms draped loosely around his neck. She nuzzled into his chest, still recovering from her release, their hearts beating furiously and lungs still gasping for air. 

They settled into a state of utter contentment. The world ceased to exist outside of the two of them. Kathryn still uncomfortable allowing herself to be completely at peace let one more nagging thought invade her otherwise heavenly state. 

“Chakotay?” she asked.

“Yes my love?”

“You know that why I never let us be together on the ship had nothing to do with Starfleet rules.”

“I wasn’t sure. Truthfully I never knew all your reasons. As much as I know you better than anyone, sometimes you are still a mystery to me,” Chakotay said as he delicately traced the curve of her spine. 

Kathryn looked up from his chest to meet his eyes. “I wouldn’t have been able to get us home. I would have already been home if I had you.”

Chakotay pulled her closer, hoping his touch could convey his undying love for this woman. “Well you’re home now Kathryn.”

“Yes I am,” she sighed nestling further into his protective arms. 

“Now back to the subject of making me scream, how do you feel about bending me over my ready room desk next?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So a few people mentioned wanting me to continue this story. I am kicking around a few different ideas and if I can get a good enough plot/smut concept I'll try and continue. Would anyone be interested in helping me with beta? I have know idea how you get input and help with editing. From my many (hopefully now corrected) typos I could use the input. Thanks again for all the kind words and encouragement. Love this site and all the wonderful stories everyone has written!

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time ever posting on this site, so I hope you enjoy the story and there aren't too many typos. Please feel free to leave comments as I would love any feedback on my writing or how the site works!


End file.
